simple me

Thick Face, Black Heart

2010-05-06T03:58:00.001-07:00

I'm currently reading this book " Thick Face, Black Heart" by Ching Ning Chu. My uncle lent it to me when I went back to my grandma's place in Ipoh recently. The title " Thick Face, Black Heart" struck me as someone vicious or sinister. Is this self-improvement book for real? How can it use such a aggressive title? haha.. but as I started reading a few pages of it, I found it to be a really insightful book . It talks about cultivating or rather discovering this diving being in all of us. This divine being is known as our higher self or simply inner voice. It is always pure, focused and clear in its objectives. It upholds important moral values such as integrity, compassion and determination, and letting this inner voice of ours guide us in our lives is the way to a fulfilling and happy life. This higher self can be represented by both the " Thick Face" & " Black Heart" . Thick face in being self-confident and having faith in oneself in spite of naysayers. Black Heart in executing actions for the greater good even if it means sacrificing a few people.

Some of the author's theories and ideologies are thought-provoking, although I didn't agree with all of them since they are a matter of her own perspective. One idea which resonates with me is the part on" detachment". She talked about being detached to our possessions - material or intangible. Being detached means being indifferent to it. We must not let our possessions possess us. The only way to not get disappointed about not having something is to NOT want it the first place. This is similar to buddha's teaching of not being attached to things and people around us. The more we attach ourselves to the people and things around us, the more we suffer when they leave us. I have talked about it in my previous post and I was in a dilemma because as much as I want to avoid pain and achieve enlightenment, I did not want to live a life void of intense emotions and feelings. If we only have one life, why not live it to the extreme? Ha ha..I'm being a bit idealistic I know. Anyway hearing the same theory from another author gave me a new insight into this issue.

Maybe we should WANT things, be it material possessions, experiences or relationships.
We should have dreams and desires because they give us hope to continue striving through life.
We should open ourselves to new experiences and people. Say YES like how Jim Carrey did in the YES Man movie because going out of our comfort zone makes us grow and may lead us to new experiences which may potentially change our lives forever. What we should not attach ourselves to is the result of how things turn out in the end. Do you notice that sometimes in life, the more we want something, the more it escapes us? Like how the more we chase happiness, the more elusive it becomes? Sand falls faster through the cracks in our hand the tighter we clutch onto it.

Let life take its natural course and have faith in ourselves. Do honest work to the best of our ability, and if things do not turn out as expected, do not wallow in self-pity or turn pessimistic about life. You never know..it might be a blessing in disguise and things might turn out better than expected in the end.;)

My destiny

2009-08-15T22:08:00.000-07:00

Went to see a fortune teller out of curiosity & also coz my mum wanted to know if i will be safe travelling in HK for a peace of mind. Since I have done my own predictions, I knew most of what he said about my destiny, like how my health is not too rosy, that i have to be wary of gossips & I may meet my soulmate at age 21. HOwever, what he said about my marriage life surprised me..heres how part of the conversation went:

fortune teller: Your marriage will be rocky coz ur husband will flirt around

me: Really? well then ill not marry a flirt

fortune teller: No.. ur husband will be hot-tempered, impatient & flirtatious..you cant escape your destiny

haha..I know that im attracted to bad boys that are a bit wild..but im not the kind of gal who lets her heart rule her head..I know bad boys are bad for me..NONO...the fortune teller is wrong..ill not let that happen to me..

lets see ;)

Serendipity

2009-07-15T18:38:00.000-07:00

A fortunate meeting defined by fate and revealed by destiny
an enchanting moment beyond the realm of reason
cunningly disguised in direst circumstances
whose touch is visible only to poetic soulsIt chooses its own time and place
evermore pretentious of purpose,
Crossing its hollowed path is futile
even frustrating to willing victims
‘cause it doesn’t bend its will to ones’ desire

Teasing a consoled mind to go astray
that’s always a part of the plan;
Yet it likewise reassures us to hold on …
to believe in destiny
and to let fate guide us on our journey

We are all willing victims to its wicked ploy
battling confusion, doubt, love and pain
with a fragile sword
‘tis we hang on to a flicker of hope,
‘cause we believe in destiny
and so it is, that I find this to be
the best explanation why I believe in you…

Written by Saffiya

NO Regrets

2009-06-11T21:50:00.001-07:00

I will not let myself regret the decision I make today. Running away is never an option. I must face my fears and overcome this challenge.

Pondering

2009-06-11T21:33:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, especially after a tough day at school, I'll think of you..I get comfort in knowing that you will always be there for me...maybe absence really makes the heart grow fonder.. but i like the current status quo, carefree and uncomplicating, its a good feeling.

I wish for a carefree life

2009-04-04T04:42:00.001-07:00

Buddha's wisdom...can i attain or rather, do I really want enlightenment?

2009-04-04T02:41:00.000-07:00

Buddha is an enlightened man who knows "the truth" and the cause for all the sufferings we face in life. He mentioned that being emotionally attached to things, and he don't only mean material stuff, but also, status, accomplishments, people and relationships, leads to disappointment when these things are taken away from us. That's why monks do not marry, eat tofu and pray in secluded temples their whole life coz they believe that life of the common beings inevitably creates desires which deters them from ending suffering and attainment ultimate enlightenment.

His teachings make sense, expectations often lead to disappointment when these expectations are not met. so the only way to prevent getting disappointed is to not have expectations in the first place, and this applies to all areas of our life, including our friends and family.

Life is unpredictable, people come and go as they like, relationships turn sour, and we are heartbroken. but we have to accept the fact that life goes on, and in order to protect ourselves from getting hurt, we must understand that sometimes we have to let go. We must stop ourselves from dwelling in the past. The past is over and no matter what we do, we cannot change what has happened. We can only bravely look ahead and live our future in faith.

I imagine myself as an MRT train, and my journey in life is obviously an MRT line..i'll take the north-south line starting at Woodlands, my train stops at Sembawang and in enters a group of ppl. They are fabulous ppl and we become friends. We have a party. We pop our wine bottles, drink, dance, chat, we are having a fabulous time. Suddenly at Ang Mo Kio, they decide to leave, and what remains are the "aftermath" of a party, food and tissue papers shrewned all over the floor, there is pin-dropped silence, and I am left feeling empty and miserable. But on second thought, I shouldn' t be feeling so miserable. I am an MRT train and there are many stations in my life, people come in and of course they will leave. Instead of focussing on what i have lost, I should be grateful for the memories i have had. At least we had a great time, and maybe life is just a collection of memories. Nothing is permanent and we shouldn't expect it to be.

Buddha path to enlightenment takes the extreme view. He doesn't want to get emotionally attached in the first place. He chooses not to marry and build relationships because they create opportunities for disappointment and suffering. He reasons that a person who chooses to be emotionally attached have to face the consequences of their decision, which is human suffering. Can I be emotionally unattached to things? Material stuff or stuff which apppeals to my senses, maybe? but being emotionally unattached to ppl? I seriously doubt my ability to do so. Like how the saying goes, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all", I believe that unhappy experiences are still worth having. They teach me things, and they offer some of the most profound and valuable lessons in life.

To my family and friends, It is fate that has brought us together. No matter how long u stay, I want to thank u for coming into my life. For the memories, whether good or bad, have shaped me into the person I am today ;)

Im looking for a different kind of happiness

2009-04-04T02:21:00.000-07:00

Im looking for a different kind of happiness, a lasting sense of peace and satisfaction with life at general..it is not fleeting, not the kind of joy which u get from success, recognition, entertainment, good food, travel or sex...of course theres no denying that these things appeal to the senses and satisfies my cravings and desires...they make me happy..but..but it doesnt last...it leaves me feeling empty the very next moment ..and i ask myself, is this what i am living for?

Some of my favourite quotes

2009-03-22T06:06:00.000-07:00

Those who stand for nothing fall for anything - Alexander Hamilton

To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a nail - Abraham Maslow
(the world we see is a reflection of who we are)

A man is what he thinks about all day long - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A person's life is dyed with the colour of his imagination - Marcus Aurelius

Money never made a man happy yet, nor will it. There is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. Th more a man has, the more he wants. Instead of filling a vacuum, it makes one

True friends are like diamonds

2009-03-21T20:47:00.000-07:00

If my school permits, I would be going to Japan for my 6 mths overseas internship. I can't believe it when my dad told me his jap friend called to say I could work in his company and he is willing to pay me the staff salary which my dad declined, saying that I only needed some allowance.

Earlier I told my dad that the school would most likely post me to OCBC bank in Shanghai, and I don like it, firstly, because since the start of my 7 wks internship at DBS, I hate working in banks. The working environment is too serious and boring, and secondly, because food in China is quite unhygenic. So my dad sent a card to his old jap fren asking him if i could work in his company.

My dad got to know him when he was posted to work in Japan 20 yrs ago before I was borned. He was a good host, bringing my mom & dad all ard Japan and because he likes mixing with foreigners, he learnt how to speak English so my parents could converse with him. Now 20 yrs later, they still send greeting cards to each other during Christmas.

I din expect his fren to really employ me, i tot he would just give an excuse or pretend my dad never asked. Its for 6 mths, and given the current economic condition, it would be a drain on his resources. Besides, I don know Japanese so I dunno how I can be of value to his company. Also, being my dad's fren, he would feel obliged to bring me ard Japan and keep me company in the weekends. It'll be a hassle for him and his family and I'm afriad I might be intruding their privacy.

I din expect their friendship to be so deep, after all, it was 20 yrs ago and although his jap friend speaks english, its only at elementary level, and they still have difficulty communicating with each other . My dad told me that alhough they live far apart and only send an occasional greeting card, they are true friends, and he noe his jap fren would defintitely agree to employ me.

This is the kind of friendship I see in HK dramas, and thats probably one reason why I like watching these dramas. The friends which go thru thick and thin tgt, with whom u dare to speak ur mind, and u know they would always support u no matter wat, even when it inconvenienced them. True frens are like diamonds, they r few but valuable.

2009-03-20T20:50:00.000-07:00

Its beyond what we see or even what we feel. It’s an order of truth that separates the profound from the merely clever, and the reality from perception. We’re helpless in the face of it and the cost of knowing love is sometimes greater than any heart would willingly pay” from the book Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts

Isn't this scene beautiful?? ...love is bliss

Looks? Money? Status? & My thoughts about love

2009-03-14T11:13:00.000-07:00

This blog is specially written for ppl who are disillusioned into thinking that gals are only going for guys with looks, money & status.

Is it true that gals want a guy who is rich, good looking and has high social status? Looks, maybe not as important, but money & social status, yes. It is an unconscious animal survival instinct in us since the cavemen era where men go out to hunt for food & women protect their offspring. A rich guy who has a high social status shows that he is popular among his pals, competent and able to provide for the family.

It’s hard for gals to discern the good guys from the bad ones, so money and status are easy measures of a guy’s competence. However, I feel that it’s better to look at a guy’s potential, which is seen in his attitude and character instead, for example, is he hardworking, motivated and determined? A rich guy can lose all his money if he doesn’t know how to manage his finances, and status, just like money, can be gone one day.

Then again, gals who only date competent guys who will rise to be CEOs in future must be careful, because these type of guys tend to be overachievers. They seek out the best in life, and are not easily satisfied. This means not being easily satisfied with their girlfriend too. I won’t want a guy like that. It’s a torture being with him. He’s so critical and I will never be good enough for him. I cannot please him, and he will most probably have an affair if he finds someone else whom he thinks is better than me.

I know looking for money, status or competence in a guy seems manipulative and calculating. Shouldn’t true love be unconditional? Like no matter how bad a person is, u still love him/her? I believe that there is unconditional love, but that’s after u have fallen in love with a person. After all the emotions and effort invested in a relationship, the time spent together & the memories shared, If my boyfriend suddenly become crippled or paralysed, I will stay by his side forever because my love for him is unconditional.

I told a friend that I can give unconditional love to my husband and he asked me: “Are you willing to sacrifice ur life for ur husband?” His question stumped me. I have never asked myself that question or thought of unconditional love in that way. I took time to reflect and really think about it, and my answer is yes..i will sacrifice my life for my beloved because he has become as important or even more important than me. His happiness is more impt than my happiness or rather I can never be happy if he is unhappy.

I watched TVB’s “Tang Xin Feng Bao – Moonlight resonance” drama..& cho bao said that he wished his wife will die earlier than him because he doesn’t want his wife to suffer the pain of losing a loved one. I want to die earlier than my husband too. The pain of losing a loved one is so unbearable..like u are losing part of urself. I’ll probably get depressed.

Whatever it is, Love is not easy. A couple needs to have the same values and beliefs. It is the most fundamental aspect in a relationship. Eg. A conflict will arise if the gal values her freedom and doesn’t like to be controlled by anyone but the guy prefers a more dependent relationship. Similarly with the gal who is a staunch Christian and goes to church every week but the guy doesn’t believe in god. A relationship is like 2 ppl coming together as a single entity. They must be going in the same direction in life or at least looking at life from the same point of view. That is why some couples break up. It’s because their priorities in life have changed, they do not have common interests, and they have nothing enjoyable to do together as a couple. They are not involved in each others’ lives hence they slowly drift apart wondering why the feeling is lost.

Oh, and another thing, after watching TVB’s “Gem of life” drama, I realise that a couple’s family and extended family plays an important role in a relationship. When you fall in love with someone, you are not only falling in love with that person, but also with that person’s family. Your beloved is not a lone wolf. Her family is part of the package and they are important to her. She has to consider their feelings and if you cannot get along with them, don’t expect to have a smooth relationship with her.

Many of my friends asked me why im still single, “You never like anyone before meh?” “Your expectation too high la, you so fussy, I think you can’t get married.” Ha ha..I don’t think I have high or unrealistic expectations. I don’t place much importance on looks, money or status. I just need a guy who genuinely loves me, understands me, and can connect with me on a deeper level. Of course we must have the same values in life, and his personality must also complement me. It’s hard to find someone like that, and I won’t compromise. It’s all or nothing. I rather not have a relationship if can’t find the “right one”. It’s hard for me to fall in love, but once I do, I do so deeply, and it would be a life transformation, for both me and my partner.

Socrates once said: “An unexamined life is not worth the living.”

2009-03-08T04:25:00.000-07:00

Company: DBS Bank Ltd
Address: Consumer banking 6 Shenton Way, DBS Building Tower 1 S068809
Department: Security & Analytics
Period: 2/3/09 - 18/4/09

Phew! What an exhausting week at work! I had to create weekly and daily reports, update balances and edit pivot tables.. looking at numbers the whole day just bores me out. My supervisors are very busy people. They always work overtime, and have numerous deadlines to meet hence they often leave me to figure things out on my own.

After commencing on my internship, I often wonder how I am going to find work-life balance in future. Reaching home around 8 plus everyday, leaves me little time for anything else since I have to sleep early and wake up at 6am to travel to work the next day. I have less time for my family and friends not to mention time to pursue my personal interests or watch my HK dramas.

This internship made me realise the importance of setting clear priorities. There is limited time, and having clear priorities help me eliminate the unnecessary activities that keep me away from the things that matter to me. Since spending time with my family& friends is my one of my priorities in life, I realise that I may have to forgo my HK dramas for example, if I wish to spend more meaningful time with them. (Bye Ling fung..u r not tat impt to me)

I am reflecting on life and currently, my 3 most important priorities in life are:

1) family & friends
2) professional/ individual growth
3) health

I Know that achieving work-life balance is almost impossible in the beginning of my career at an entry-level position. I may have to work overtime most of the days to prove my value to the company. However, I believe over time, with proper time management and higher status, I would be able to have more flexibility in my work schedule , and hopefully achieve the work-life balance I am yearning for :)