I wish for a carefree life

Buddha's wisdom...can i attain or rather, do I really want enlightenment?

Buddha is an enlightened man who knows "the truth" and the cause for all the sufferings we face in life. He mentioned that being emotionally attached to things, and he don't only mean material stuff, but also, status, accomplishments, people and relationships, leads to disappointment when these things are taken away from us. That's why monks do not marry, eat tofu and pray in secluded temples their whole life coz they believe that life of the common beings inevitably creates desires which deters them from ending suffering and attainment ultimate enlightenment.

His teachings make sense, expectations often lead to disappointment when these expectations are not met. so the only way to prevent getting disappointed is to not have expectations in the first place, and this applies to all areas of our life, including our friends and family.

Life is unpredictable, people come and go as they like, relationships turn sour, and we are heartbroken. but we have to accept the fact that life goes on, and in order to protect ourselves from getting hurt, we must understand that sometimes we have to let go. We must stop ourselves from dwelling in the past. The past is over and no matter what we do, we cannot change what has happened. We can only bravely look ahead and live our future in faith.

I imagine myself as an MRT train, and my journey in life is obviously an MRT line..i'll take the north-south line starting at Woodlands, my train stops at Sembawang and in enters a group of ppl. They are fabulous ppl and we become friends. We have a party. We pop our wine bottles, drink, dance, chat, we are having a fabulous time. Suddenly at Ang Mo Kio, they decide to leave, and what remains are the "aftermath" of a party, food and tissue papers shrewned all over the floor, there is pin-dropped silence, and I am left feeling empty and miserable. But on second thought, I shouldn' t be feeling so miserable. I am an MRT train and there are many stations in my life, people come in and of course they will leave. Instead of focussing on what i have lost, I should be grateful for the memories i have had. At least we had a great time, and maybe life is just a collection of memories. Nothing is permanent and we shouldn't expect it to be.

Buddha path to enlightenment takes the extreme view. He doesn't want to get emotionally attached in the first place. He chooses not to marry and build relationships because they create opportunities for disappointment and suffering. He reasons that a person who chooses to be emotionally attached have to face the consequences of their decision, which is human suffering. Can I be emotionally unattached to things? Material stuff or stuff which apppeals to my senses, maybe? but being emotionally unattached to ppl? I seriously doubt my ability to do so. Like how the saying goes, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all", I believe that unhappy experiences are still worth having. They teach me things, and they offer some of the most profound and valuable lessons in life.

To my family and friends, It is fate that has brought us together. No matter how long u stay, I want to thank u for coming into my life. For the memories, whether good or bad, have shaped me into the person I am today ;)

Im looking for a different kind of happiness

Im looking for a different kind of happiness, a lasting sense of peace and satisfaction with life at general..it is not fleeting, not the kind of joy which u get from success, recognition, entertainment, good food, travel or sex...of course theres no denying that these things appeal to the senses and satisfies my cravings and desires...they make me happy..but..but it doesnt last...it leaves me feeling empty the very next moment ..and i ask myself, is this what i am living for?